ABOUT & TESTIMONY
Hey beautiful people!! My name is Bea and I’m so glad that you are here! I created this website because God has done so many amazing things in my life that I would love to share with you guys :). I want to spread His word and His amazing love to help make heaven crowded. I will be posting blog posts (check under the blogs tab) that will help you guys with your relationship with God, reading your bible, prayer, and more! For a start, down below is my testimony on how I’ve dealt with bullying and finally choosing to come closer to Christ. I hope this helps :)))
HOW GOD USED BULLYING TO CHANGE MY LIFE ♡:
I strongly feel everybody has their own story to tell that has helped shaped them into the person God has called them to be, so here’s mine :))
I grew up in a Christian home, but I never knew what it even was to have a relationship with God. I was once the person that always said, “Yea, I’m Christian” or “I believe in God”, and I thought you just needed to believe in God and be a good person to get into heaven. But it’s more than just believing in God and claiming that you know Him and it’s definitely not about being a good person. Jesus said in the bible, “No one is good except God alone.”- Mark 10:18 ♡. It’s about having a relationship with God and putting your faith and trust in Him. We are saved by grace through faith, we are saved by Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. Growing up I saw that my mom had a very strong relationship with God (and she still does!) and I always saw her pray, worship, and everything.. I was so inspired, but I didn’t think I was capable, so I didn’t try.
Growing up in elementary and middle school, I usually got made fun of and picked on a lot. Especially in middle school, being picked on and being made fun of is what caused me to start to care about what others thought about me and me wanting to fit in so badly. Little did I know what God was preparing me for. After middle school, I was sooo excited for high school. I was excited to make new friends, to get away from the people who made fun of me, and to live the high school life. Keep in mind, during this time, I didn’t have a relationship with God, I barely read my bible and rarely prayed. I never spent time with God to get to know Him truly.
So, I started high school. Not going to lie, I actually loved it at first. I made new friends, I was always hanging out with people, went to football games and homecoming. It was so much fun for at least the first two months and then everything changed. I always felt there was something guiding me (the Holy Spirit) through this tough season, that I have never ever experienced before. I didn’t realize it until later, but I made friends with some of the wrong people. I was friends with people who would peer-pressure me into doing things like vaping or things I didn’t want to do. I was friends with people who left me out and acted wired around me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt lonely before. Not having a relationship with God either, didn’t help my situation because I depended on people for happiness. I know even though I wasn’t strong in my faith, God convicted me not to try drugs. I just felt alone and all by myself. I never told my family what was happening, I just kept it all to myself. One day at school, I couldn’t handle it anymore, I got pressured again and made fun of because I didn’t want to try something, so I told my parents. And then, everything got way worse. I actually started to get bullied, even by people I didn’t know. I thought middle school was bad getting made fun of, but getting bullied in high school my first year, was worse. I was followed by people at school, I was threatened, I was called names, and people at my school would say hurtful words to my face and through social media. Every single day was a battle just to get up and go to school because I was so afraid of what was going to happen next. There was always something bad that happened to me each day at school. Of course I felt empty, because I took my validation from people and this world.
Bullying then caused me to be depressed and give up. I started to hate myself, I pushed everyone and everything out of my life, including God, I cried almost everyday, I was extremely sad, I started to get anxious, and I just didn’t care about life. I had the mindset that nothing mattered to me anymore and I didn’t care. I was numb and broken. It didn’t help either having to hear that people talked about me in school, it made me very self-conscious. I never stood up for myself because I was so afraid. My parents did tell the school, but it didn’t change a thing. More and more things just kept getting worse. I felt everything and everyone I had was gone (but God was never far from me). Due to my tough experience, my mom and I thought it would be best to leave the school, so I can heal and have a fresh start. Leaving the school was SO relieving. The summer was hard though because I didn’t really have friends, it was lonely, and depressing. I was super anxious because I was going to attend a new school while trying to heal from everything. It was hard to tell some people that I was leaving my old school, and when I did tell them, they didn’t understand.
Transitioning to the new school was not my favorite. I remember having the worst mental breakdown on my first day. I was afraid to even make friends, I heard people talking about me from my old school, and I was still really upset. My sophomore year wasn’t fun either. People would try to pick on me and I was still trying to heal from my freshmen year. At that point in my life, I really didn’t care anymore. I was still trying super hard to seek my worth in this world, and I still wasn’t satisfied. That went on until the end of my sophomore year, it was my summer to junior year. The summer was actually pretty good and for some reason, I started to pick up my bible a couple of times and I know God was trying to draw me back to Him.
I started my junior year at the same new school, and it was okay, but I was still distant from God. During my junior year, I went through the feeling of loneliness, still obsessively seeking validations from others, and not feeling good about myself. All that continued, until as you guys know, covid-19 came. School was cancelled for the rest of the year. Yes, I was so happy because more than anything, I hated school with all my heart because of my experiences. The pandemic meant more free time and more free time meant time to spend with God. It meant no excuses not to spend time with God. A thought went through my head, I realized I have had such a rough three years of high school, and I never thanked God for anything, I never took the time to spend with Him, and I was feeling really convicted about it. In fact, I was so caught up in my own problems I forgot about Him :(. He saved me, and though I didn’t know it, He was there through every single thing I experienced. He never left me, He always cared. I know this because God never leaves or forsakes us. He is the one person that will never disappoint you. All I needed to do was to leave everything in his hands because no situation is too big for God to handle. He will help you through the storm and troubles in this life, you just need to trust Him. “Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you.” – Psalm 56:3 ♡.
During our long break, after realizing how distant I have been from God my whole life, I finally decided to give my life to Jesus. I knew that I truly wanted to live for Him. He died for our sins because he loves us so much!! I started to change the way I lived by starting to read His word everyday, praying constantly/talking to Him, worshipping, and thanking Him for all the amazing things he has done in my life. I thank God for bullying too because it lead me to finding my worth and trust in Him and Him only. It helped me to come back stronger. I also stopped doing certain things, I let go of some people, and fleshly desires for God. He changed my life and helped me to heal, I cannot be anymore grateful. I also thank my wonderful family too for being there for me :)). I have now kept my relationship with God for more than 7 months and I love Him so much ♡.
Now forgiving these people, was not easy. Once I started following God, I have learned how to forgive those who have hurt me. God forgives us no matter what we’ve done, so we should be able to forgive others and love them. By loving them – I don’t mean give them hugs and kisses haha, but have no hatred for them in your heart. “But I tell you love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 5:44 – 45 ♡. & “For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will forgive you as well. But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses.” – Matthew 6:14 ♡. I’ve learned how to love and forgive them because God is love. Once you follow Him, you know true love.
Lastly, I just want to let whoever is reading this know that you are never alone. God is right there. You have a purpose and God has plans for every single one of us. “For I know the plans I have for you- this is the Lord’s declaration- plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11 ♡. This verse shows that God cares for His people and He is always there for them. Storms and trials are to help build your faith. Also as hard as it is, don’t let anyone bring you down or define you. Let the one who created you to define you. You are so loved and you are never too far gone. God loves you more than you can ever imagine and just remember, if you don’t have a relationship with God, His arms are always wide open!!♡
Please don’t hesitate to tell me about your story, if you need advice, help, or a prayer request! I’ll try my best to respond, love you guys :))